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Falling Back Into Habits

Falling Back Into Habits

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Yes, the title is supposed to be a joke, because it’s fall right now.

October. 

University has fully started, the trees on campus are tainted red and yellow, the air is getting crisp and Pumpkin Spice Lattes are finally back… fall is officially in Rotterdam. For me, this is the most magical time of the year: autumn. This season comes and an immediate sense of comfort starts pervading my heart, just like being hugged by a warm jumper. 

If fall was a self-care ritual, it would be an 8-step skin care routine done in the middle of the night, right after a party. You are probably too tired and hungover for it, but you still do it and once you are done, you can’t help but feel extra relaxed and proud of yourself. Somehow this season is both calm and hectic at the same time: there’s always something new to do and somewhere to be, and it’s easy for schedules to be busy. Sometimes all of this can get a bit too intense, but hey, at least the leaves falling down look aesthetic on Instagram.   

I know this might sound crazy, but if you think of it, fall is just like an unofficial New year’s day. It’s right after the holidays which marks the start of both new beginnings and getting back to old habits: a new school year, getting back to work, to your routines, responsibilities and deadlines, all with the promise of being different because this year you will go to lectures and you will not fall behind. Also going back to the promise of taking notes and doing everything in advance, back to the promise of being a new – and better – version of yourself. 

Yet, I end up breaking this promise every single year (I don’t know about you guys, but this time I managed to keep up to date with the readings until Week 2, a new record for me!). To be honest, this constant failing at keeping my promise is where I find the actual comfort of fall. Despite everything, I know that as soon as the first leaf touches the ground I’ll be back to being the same old me, someone who obsesses over anything pumpkin-flavoured and prefers starting yet another Gilmore Girls rewatch session instead of doing uni readings, bound to be forgotten in a folder on my laptop (in my defence, Gilmore Girls is an amazing show with a great soundtrack, and it’s way more interesting than a 37-page long article).  

Fall means having the chance of being a whole new person, but knowing that you always have the option to run back to your routines, which are ready to catch you like a safety net. Fall means going out in the morning, feeling the thrill of excitement for everything new and unknown that’s going to come, and coming home in the evening to the comfort of your room, a hot soup and your favourite show. 

Fall means being a different person, but allowing yourself to fall back into the same old habits ~

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Written by: Federica Pastella 

Editor: Nimrat Kaur

Visuals: Monique van Daalen 

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