I knocked on the door, you said you’d be home at this time. Your voice called out something I couldn’t quite make sense of. I waited, perhaps you’d open for me. I insisted when you didn’t, even tried twisting the handle.
The house was locked and the keys were nowhere to be found. There was a lot of noise coming from the inside. Drawers opening just to be shut again, not before checking every corner of them. Items shuffling and frustration in your tone.
I give the window a little knock instead. You swipe the curtains and smile at me. The railing gets stuck when we try to push the glass open. I still squeeze my hand through, barely enough to press our fingertips together.
Using the dust to my advantage, I drew a heart for you. I wasn’t sure if you noticed, I didn’t mind though. It was the kind of thing I loved to do and I’d be happy if you found out about it later on, if you ever did that is.
I spoke to the gap, but even when it was quiet around, my words weren’t coming across. The translation into gestures and signs wasn’t effective either. Together, although not really. So much to say, nothing meant to be listened to.
Eventually, clouds started to fill the sky. Darkness replaced the sunlight. It wasn’t long until it began pouring. I asked in, once again. My plea was met with silence, making me wonder if you were ever there to begin with.
My clothes got soaked very quickly, water dripped down my hair. I was already on my way home when I remembered the crack. I don’t know why, but I had to turn back and shut it. You wouldn’t want any rain getting through.
Drenched by the storm, I gave up trying to hurry. My mind was lost, in the thoughts of you beside me, yet not with me. All I could think of were the drops on the glass distorting your image. Was it an illusion? What we had, or could’ve been.
Maybe the thunder had scared you, maybe you had stuff to take care of. That’s how I covered the remaining distance. I unlocked my door, relieved I could actually open it. How could you lose the keys to your own house? Accidentally, I suppose.
Shivering from the cold, I immediately changed and pulled the bedsheets over me. Felt tired
enough to sleep, or so I believed. What was wrong with the weather today? The sky shouldn’t have been grey and cloudy. Foolish of me to trust the forecast, to assume we had time. I kept looking back on what happened. I vividly remembered the sound of raindrops hitting the ground. I could clearly picture them wiping away the heart I had drawn.
Haunting, as if I had forgotten to close my own window. I was suddenly jolted awake by the idea of my room flooding. Those fears, my storms snapping me back into consciousness. I was scared, scared of drowning.
I hated the quiet. I tried playing some music, which later became the background of my thoughts. Those that weren’t under my control anymore. The air was filled with lyrics and little sobs that grew bigger every song.
Not a peaceful stillness, a paralyzing one that went on for days. My vision was lost in the midst of the darkness. In my tiny moments of focus, the only thing I’d find myself doing was wander around your neighborhood.
I didn’t have a path to follow, I could only beg for a glimpse, hope you were okay. It stemmed from this obsession I had, with connection. It had me knocking on the different houses, desperately wanting to be let inside.
Physically there, mentally at your doorstep. It was as if the only road I knew was the one between my place and yours. I needed a minute to settle my mind, so I stopped right in my tracks when light started peeking through.
The midpoint of both our homes. Cars sprinting up and down the street, loud, yet they didn’t seem to bother me one bit. T oo much going on in my head, the warmth of the sun soothing enough to breathe a little easier.
I wasn’t sure how long I could stay, but I trusted myself to make the call. The rays felt nice on my skin and the city felt alive. I never looked back your way, I thought it was best if I didn’t. Not even when it was time to go.
Picked everything up and started walking. Didn’t allow myself a single glance, not until I heard footsteps running towards me. I battled giving in, but when you tapped my shoulder I froze in place. You came looking for me, found me.
You didn’t give me a lot of time before pulling me in for a hug. I sank into your arms and gentle touch, safe and somehow familiar. The calm after the storm. It was all I never knew I needed. You were all I never knew I needed.
I realized how much I missed those eyes, the way they close a little when you smile. It was finally just us, together, and when rain threatened again, you took my hand and guided me in. The door wasn’t locked, the windows were open.
That’s when I spotted it, the silly heart I drew. It was complete now, you traced the other half, the one that had faded before. From the inside, meaning it couldn’t get washed away. Suddenly, there were no words left to say, only love to be felt.
Our first kiss happened that night.