2 a.m. A luxurious student room measured on the Rotterdam housing scale. Ten square meters, filled with dreams, hopes, and a lot of doubts. Another internship rejection, another reminder that I should have focused sooner on building my personal brand.
Now I am working on CVs and cover letters and extracurriculars and course readings and upcoming exams and the presentation I almost forgot about. So many things need to be done, yet the only thing I can think about is: when did I become this product that has to perform well on the market?
This is about nobody in particular, but about everyone who can see themselves somewhere in between the lines. Students in today’s society get conditioned to constantly perform and chase something, while living the opposite of it.
We are striving for independence. A life somewhere safe, with family or at least someone we
can sometimes enjoy our time with.
We want financial stability, social stability.
We want a purpose.
Maybe then we can be satisfied.
But for now, we are in limbo.
As much as I love Rotterdam and the life as a student, it can be rough. This is especially true for international students, who are confronted with navigating the saturated job market, full of precarity, all while they also have to get used to a completely new culture.
We are competing with people who have more experience than us and peers who have qualifications we can only dream of. We are forced to be flexible, juggling our private time and working hours – trying to enjoy the rare moments we have some private time.
It is not just about insecurity in the job market – there are so many sectors affecting the security and stability of our everyday life: housing, social integration, studies.
Relationships move fast.
People come and go, things happen, stories happen, but not a lot of it will stay.
We are trapped in this optimization of our own brand.
We want to be better, work harder, deliver more.
Exactly what society expects us to do. We are performing at our peak every day.
Is there a way that allows us to break this endless production and promotion cycle?
Yes, by contrasting the instant result.
Reclaim our agency, through an intentional process of creation. By colouring outside of the lines.
Saying what isn’t told, what perhaps still might need to be said, without expecting anything in return.
Producing something that has no value outside of what it means to yourself.
Something that is not there to be showcasted, to be approved by someone else.
That is an act of rebellion.
You are its only judge, if you want to judge. Or you decide to let it flow, to let all the thoughts that come your way have their space in what you produce.
This intentional process of creation will produce art. And this art can be your rebellion. Not a protest, not an attack on societal structures, but a refusal to monetize yourself. For once.
We are trained to communicate strategically. But what happens when communication is not meant to persuade anyone anymore? When there is no audience? When the message is only for yourself?
Out of curiosity I asked another student if she felt constantly evaluated. She told me something interesting:
“Evaluation only really happens if you expose yourself to it. If you want to succeed, you have
to be visible. If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t succeed.”
In that sense, the system is not only something we are subjected to – it is something we actively step into.
When I asked what it feels like to do something completely unproductive, her answer was immediate: “useless”.
I also asked whether there is space in her field for things that are not measurable.
“No,” she said.
But when I asked when she last created something just for herself, she paused.
“A week ago”, she said.
“I played the guitar.”
Rebellion is not always a big, public happening.
Sometimes it is a badly drawn picture,
sometimes a never published poem.
But it is always a reminder that you are more than what you produce, a refusal to disappear.